All I Want For Christmas
Topic: Celebrity Blog
You obviously didn't get your famous celebrity Chrismas card yet, did you? Not to worry; here's a couple to let you know how the better half lives.

Christmas at the Federlines



Before you snarf your office party egg nog all over the front of your red shirt in shock that Britney Spears' holiday card to her fans is [Ed .note--We can't believe we're going to say this.] classy, know this: Below the frame of the picture, the couple is naked from the waste down, standing barefoot in a filthy public restroom, and buried up to their knees in Cheetos. You can only see it if you peel off the green "Happy Holidays" sticker.
- Thanks to Defamer.com


Happy Holidays from the Hiltons



Bet you never thought you would get a card from them, did you? Would you want to be associated with this family? I wonder how or what the Hiltons are thinking about their two miss-celebrities, Paris and Nicky. It must be hard to maintain a demure public image with a family name like that.
- Thanks to Defamer.com


FEATURE ARTICLE: All I Want For Christmas

What do famous celebrities want for Christmas? Check this out:

BITBIT (Britney's new Mexican hairless Chihuahua), "A fur coat would be nice."

LACY (Britney's pet Maltese terrier), "A bone to chew on, cause I have a bone to pick with everyone ignoring me now."

KEVIN (Britney's pet dog, uh, husband, chauffeur, butler, cook and bottle washer), "I'm friggin rich! I don't need anything! (but a new Titanium 9 iron might come in handy someday)."

BRITNEY "I got want I want (hint hint). But I wanna be Mrs James Bond!!! Or a Baby would be nice. Or maybe another doggie. Yeah another doggie would be purrr-fect."

PARIS "A video camera, or a bigger handbag with wheels, or maybe some Victoria Secret undies (naw, skip the undies)."

TARA "A bra would sure come in handy."

YASSAR ARAFAT "I want to be resurrected as Jesus Christ!"

SADDAM HUSSEIN "To win the Presidential election in Iraq; or a Get Out of Jail Free Card."

U.N. "Get the U.S. out of Iraq."

E.U. "Get the U.S. out of Iraq."

IRAQIS "Get the U.S. out of Iraq."

GEORGE W. BUSH "Send more troops to Iraq."

DICK CHENEY "More oil wells in IRAN!"


Puppy Tails

Ron Schultz, owner of the Crown and Anchor Pub, had the perfect gag when Bellagio's Picasso restaurant reopened Friday after an 11-day break. He walked in, sat down at the bar and asked for chef Julian Serrano.

When Serrano came out of the kitchen to see his friend and customer, Schultz pointed to the bar stool next to him and said, "a very pretty blonde dropped by and left you this."

On the bar stool was a life-size Chihuahua stuffed animal. Serrano "got a big kick out of it and started carrying it around" in jest, Schultz said.

The gag made fun of a bogus story out of Britain that claimed Britney Spears bought a $170 steak for her Chihuahua at Picasso. It couldn't have happened because Picasso has been closed since Dec. 6. "It's all over the place, and all of them added something," even quotes from Serrano, said the star chef, who was in Spain when Spears was in Las Vegas. "It even made the 6 o'clock news in San Francisco," where Serrano made his name.
- Las Vegas ReviewJournal


Guess Who? Brain Teasers

Gawker has found a fun and unque way to enjoy the holidays. Guess who the famous celebrities and their skank antics are:



No cheating, but here are the answers:

#1: Britney Spears Honeymoon

#2: Paris Hilton Sex Tapes

#3: Courtney Love Crack Beast

#4: Tara Reid's Nasty Nipple
Explanation: [Tear A : Reads : Nas tea : Nippon]

#5: Lindsay Lohan's Handbag
Explanation: [Lint (w/o t) Z(car) : Low(Library) Han (Solo) : Handbag]

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

When You're Hot; You're Hot!
Topic: Celebrity Blog

Someone here looks hot; someone else does not (LOL) and it's not the dog!

Britney Spears isn't behaving like she's pregnant. Casting doubt on the BIG rumor, the pop princess was spotted smoking and downing four drinks at the Palms' N9NE Steakhouse on Monday night.

Back in Las Vegas for the first time since her 55-hour marriage in January, Spears and her new husband, Kevin Federline, showed up about 8 p.m. with her Chihuahua puppy, which she fed shrimp, pieces of bread and a saucer of milk.

She's a presenter in tonight's Billboard Music Awards at the MGM Grand Garden, her first public appearances since marrying Federline on Sept. 18.

Spies tell me Spears, dressed in a black dress and wearing cowboy boots, had two house Merlots and two Malibu pineapple rum drinks during her 90-minute stay at a small table in a smoking/TV area next to the bar.

Spears held her wedding/annulment dinner at N9NE on Jan. 3, hours after she married childhood friend Jason Alexander while partying at the Palms. Word has it she's designing a supersuite at the Palms.

Chef Barry Dakake surprised Spears, who turned 23 Thursday, and Federline, with his dessert specialty: a caramelized banana split with Tahitian vanilla ice cream, caramel and chocolate drizzle, strawberries marinated in grenadine and sugar, candied pecans, and mint.
Source: LV Review Journal

P.S. Congratulations Britney on winning Best Dance Single for Me Against The Music!

Britney Alive and Well
Topic: Celebrity Blog
Britney spent her birthday in a 48 hour sex romp with hubby Kevin Federline at the posh Bacara Resort in Santa Barbara. They spent their entire time at the luxury 5 star hotel holed up in the $3500 a night Presidential suite. As soon as they got there they hung a DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door. They even refused to answer the door to room service staff trying to deliver a birthday cake and flowers. Making babies is tough work, huh Brit?



Britney and Kevin arrive at Ceasar's palace in Las Vegas to attend the Billboard Music Awards TONIGHT!!!
Britney has been nominated for Female Artist of the Year and Mainstream top 40 Artist of the Year. She is also expected to receive a lifetime achievement award. Geez, she barely turns 23 and already is up for a LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD???!!!

Rumors (both confirmed and denied) are flying that Britney will also perform at the event. That would definitely boost her sagging album sales during the pre-Christmas season. Good Luck, Brit!

Just a quick, quick update to the absolutely mad fanatics out there with a fat wallet! LoL. Britney will be auctioning off a book report she made in elementary school of 'Raymond's Run' at Christie's on December 17th. There's no grade on the report, although the teacher wrote 'Proofread. Messy' on it. Thought it might interest some of you aspiring writers who are looking for hidden meanings behind Britney's Letter of Truth.

Out And About
Topic: Celebrity Blog


Olsen's Caught Secretly Eating Again!

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen honored a select group of fans over the weekend and - true to form - kept things under cloak-and-dagger secrecy.

On Saturday afternoon, 20 lucky contest winners from the U.S., Mexico, Canada, Britain, France, Spain, Germany, Japan and Australia were treated to two hours of quality time with the pint-size NYU students at Dylan's Candy Bar.

The people who were coming only knew they were going to New York at the last minute, to meet the twins at an undisclosed location. Dylan's has a very secure, private room downstairs, and there is a back exit, so you don't have to go through the front door.

Once they were inside with their bodyguards, the usually mute Olsens fielded questions and posed for pictures.

The timing of the event may have caught anorexia sufferer Mary-Kate midbinge: Both twins ate ravenously and left with huge goodie bags of candy - tote bags the size of the big Herve Chapelier purses.

Ashley has been keeping close tabs on her flirtacious sibling. Mary-Kate has an appetite for the opposite sex first with moglet David Katzenberg , then just recently with Ali Fatourechi and now with model Karl Lindeman. Play the field young ladies, but don't forget I will always be here for you!




Reign of Tara

The quiet tree town of Ann Arbor, home to the University of Michigan was invaded recently by everyone's favourite top poppin' tart, Miss Tara Reid! She was in town to watch current boyfriend Sir Gay Federov participate in a charity hockey match featuring striking NHL stars such as Stevie "The Captain" Yzerman, Kris "Drapes" Draper and Chris Cheli-Blows. According to published reports, Miss Franken-Nipple was selected by Kid Rock to serve as an assistant coach on the team, which likely meant she drew the unenviable assignment of sucking off Canucks like a circus seal. Or maybe she just let the former Mr. Kournikova stab the cat, I'm not really sure.



Is Paris Burning?

According to the Defamer: Are you starting to get the feeling that a large chunk of Paris Hilton's day is budgeted for driving around Los Angeles, looking for opportunities to be photographed next to her image or her name? It's only a matter of time before this becomes a full-time gig, with Paris driving from boutique to boutique in a Hummer airbrushed with her likeness, stopping only to conspicuously have sex with whatever celebrities she bumps into at the stores. Someone call Fox, we think we've just stumbled onto a premise for The Simple Life 4.

Where's Britney?

Britney and Kevin Federline (ha! I was the first to appease her royal thighness) were spotted at a Pee-stop on PCH (Pacific Coast Highway for you non-natives) - or is that a pit stop for you NASCAR fans.
Then they mysteriously disappeared. No pictures available except for Kevin pumping gas. Lord of mercy, you won't believe where they are holed up! The Bacara Resort in Santa Barbara. Yup, that's the same place they dumped for their proposed wedding vows. I guess if it is in the cards to happen, it's got to happen. I hope they enjoyed their daytripper to celebrate Britney's birthday away from the limelight.

Separated At Birth
Topic: What's Up?